The past is never past

You think that it is in the past. You stole nothing after all. It was offered to you and you badly wanted, so you did not steal it. In addition, you think that it doesn’t matter anymore. Didn’t it even ever matter? If it mattered, well, you paid already for what you stole. But did you actually steal anything? Did someone else feel that something was missing because you took it? Even though you stole something so important, you had already felt sorry; but, actually, not too sorry because you paid for it at very high price. Instead, probably, no one noticed what you stole and if no one noticed, it has never happened. And if it happened, it is in the past.

Then, tell me why you are literally trembling watching those pics? Pictures of what you stole from.

You are finally seeing images of something you had just imagined at that time, now you think it is in the past and you do not have reasons not to look at them. Yet, the more you watch the more your hearth goes faster and you wonder why: that’s in the past! No, that is, yes, it is in the past because today you would not steal anymore. But since you have stopped to pay, today you can see them for what they really are. You stole something from someone. The past is never past… or it is not past enough yet.

OK, lets just avoid to see those pictures, it is going to be fine. But what about when you will have those images in front of you, for real? Do you remember that it is going to happens very soon? You hadn’t realised it, had you? You know, you will also have to smile and be nice. Behave, like you did in the past. Smile and keep everything inside. You are not generally good at this, but in these extreme situations, you are the best! You can do this. At some point, the past will be in the past. One decade or two…

The inconvenient and inappropriate

There are feelings and thoughts that some cultures would define inconvenient, or worse, inappropriate. Every day my mind in flooded with inconvenience and inappropriateness. Sometimes the inconvenience comes because the timing of the feeling only is “wrong”, some other times it is just because it is about the wrong place or person. Other times, instead, red flag, it would be inappropriate in most of the cultures in the world. My primordial guess is that this world is plenty of people with similar minds as mine, or worse. But not everyone wants to feel inconvenient and inappropriate, or better, not everyone wants to risk the privileges held in life for some inconvenient or inappropriate thought. I am one of the second group. Yet, I still need to vent by at least writing.

I could keep a diary, one of those cute and colorful. I had some in past but they are vulnerable. If you write, at some point someone will read it, even if you try to keep it hidden. [Actually the more you hide a diary the more vulnerable it is. Once I left my diary with the worst things I have done in my life on the table of my house. No one has never read it]. If I keep my inconvenience and inappropriateness in my laptop, I will lose it at some point because I would try to hide it even within the laptop. Do you think I can call the folder “secret”? It will be open by someone else at the first opportunity. Or should I call with a name that fits with the names of my work folders? Well, I did and now I don’t know where it is!

So how else I can keep my inconvenience and inappropriateness? Let me try with this blog.

Note: the image below was in the template of this blog. For this time I leave it. I love the sea.

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